My Own Personal Kundalini Awakening Experience

I know that most occultists and metaphysical people in general value personal experience above everything. This is mostly because 99% of them only have their own personal experience as the only form of proof for their theories.

This is why I’ll now recount my own personal experience with a thing called ‘kundalini’

 I had my first pleasant kundalini experience when I was 15

When I was 15 I was very naive, and at the same time I suffered from very extreme panic attacks and anxiety coupled with depression. That’s why I was very open towards trying every alternative healing method that promised me any kind of help.   This lead me to try hypnosis to help myself. I  religiously listened to a few mp3s I bought online with the hopes that they’ll cure me.

And you know what? They worked. Partially because I was so trusting that I really believed that they would work.

But during one of the recordings I went into a very deep trance. It was do deep that my consciousness was noticeably altered (Partially because I gave myself suggestions that it would change, due to my belief that hypnosis changes consciousness). In that deep trance I remember asking for a solution to my anxiety and it came in the form of a very pleasant ‘energy’ that essentially permeated my body. It really  did feel like a pleasant, powerful energy rushing from my tailbone up my spine, taking all my troubles away with it

I awoke from the trance in laughter and from that moment on my personality changed. Before that I viewed everything in black colors and I was the ‘stick in the mud”. My consciousness changed to the opposite extreme: Everything seemed unreal, and at the same time I felt as if I was living in a dream. Everything seemed like a cosmic joke of a movie we were all part one. It was a deep feeling I had.

I also felt that I realized some kind off great truth no one has ever experienced before. Although I couldn’t articulate that truth in words, I had a very powerful feeling I had ‘reached it’ that I ‘know it” that  everything has meaning, and that we’re all connected to each other. And that everything that happens happens for my highest good.

Essentially for me all the new age beliefs and philosophies seemed like my reality.

I also experienced a very real phenomena which I can only describe as serendipity. It was as if no matter what I would do the universe aligned myself in my favor. To the point that I actually passed high school without opening a textbook ONCE. Seriously, it was essentially that I randomly put the answer in the ABCD slots and it always came out well enough that I got beyond-average grades.   Back then I was a very devout believer in the law of attraction, so it all made perfect sense to me.  Especially since I consumed self-help books like crazy. I also spend the time a normal high school student would spend on parties, learning and doing anything else a normal student does on:

  • Doing 2 hours of yoga everyday
  • Listening to holysnc and other binaural beats for a hour
  • listening to self hypnosis tapes
  • Doing the sedona method
  • Listening to eckhart tolle, osho, and numerous other mystics

But this was all negated once I turned 18

After I turned 18 I essentially started to doubt the legitimacy of my experiences. The finals were coming up and I wasn’t really prepared since my belief in manifesting made me rely on serendipidy and ‘magick’ for all of my grades.  I went to a kind off ‘prestigous highschool’ (as prestigious as one can get in a small town) and as such everyone in my environment was really concerned about the finals. This aura of nervousness and anxiety was contagious and as such I also started studying for the exam. The problem was that until that point I didn’t even open a textbook, and as such I came up with the ‘brillian’ ideas of pulling a LOT of all-nighters.

Bad idea.

Sleep deprived, and nearly-brain dead I essentially slurred during class, and everyone commented that I look ill. This all culminated one hour during social studies class. I didn’t really arrive at any of the classes this semester and I really needed to do well on this to pass the year, so I was tense to begin with. But then the teacher said

“Okay now we’ll have this big test that will basically determine your final grade”. Immedietly the test started, I felt cornered, and I the added stress of the situation somehow ‘kindled’ something in my spine. And it felt like a very powerful energy coming rushing through my body. For the more esoterically inclined I can mention that this energy didn’t leave through my body as  all the ancient texts say it’s supposed to do. Instead it left through my eyes, leaving a very painful chronic pain I experience everyday to this day.

But the worst thing that happened was that suddenly every bit of that pleasant energy that I had in myself from my previous experience went away. It was as if the energy literary left my body in that moment. Instead I had a very powerful feeling of desperation and hopelessness a feeling that I should die.

And in that moment I started walking. Just automatically walking. While I still felt as if the world wasn’t real, and that I wasn’t real. The positive coloring of that experience went away. All of my defenses ‘broke’ and what was left was just automatic walking without thinking.

Hours passed, I still walked, thoughts rushed through my head – mostly depressive thoughts of death, but i still walked. I walked and walked for hours, days. I was put into a mental hospital, and was given drugs, and I still walked. I was taken home, because my new age parents didn’t believe in drugs, and yet I still walked. No herbal remedies, no food, nothing helped.

I had moments of lucidity, in which the compulsion to walk went away. In those moments I generally tried to kill myself. They were brief so I had to act fast. Here’s a list of the things I tried:

  • I beat my head against the wall hoping that I’ll crack my skull
  • I tried to jump out of the window.
  • I lied down on the road hoping I’ll be run over
  • I tried to bite down a glass bottle hoping to die like this. Luckily I didn’t manage to break the bottle with my teeth
  • I obsessively ate thinking I’ll break my stomach. (This made me gain over 100 pounds by the way, which I then subsequently lost)

And numerous other things I’ll rather not remember.

In every living moment of that experience I had a very profound feeling of anxiety. It was immensely strong. So strong it took all thoughts with it.  My psychiatrists prescribed antipsychotics, which didn’t work at all.  In one moment of lucidity I actually yelled to my mother that she should give me anti-anxiety medication, because the anti-psychotics don’t work. She of course ignored the request for months, but I was persistent (I was always persistent and stubborn) so I yelled for anti-anxiety medication every time I was lucid. Because I was annoying this lead my mother to ask the psychiatrist to prescribe me Lorazepam a benzodiazepine.

And oddly enough after just a few days of taking lorazepam I stopped walking Which actually isn’t that subscribing, since lorazepam has been found to be clinically effective for catatonia .


My current hypothesis is that what I experienced had some kind off epileptic basis.   When I was 13-15 I had very strong fits which involved very sudden and violent bursts of anxiety. They were very random and rarely triggered by anything.  It is possible that they were nothing more than epileptic auras of temporal lobe activity

Of course this is only a hypothesis. I have to admit that my ability to get medical treatment is very limited, so that’s all I can go on. But I think it’s a rational hypothesis.

What do you guys think? Could my experiences be caused by epileptic auras?







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About the Author ()

Hello I’m Matt Pepliński, the lies in alternative medicine have literary given me psychosis and as such I created this site to take the pseudo out of pseudoscience to make it actually useful in your life.